I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
