If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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