You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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