i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
