toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
This is the high leading the old right now
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
