I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
