I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
