i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
