I wish my penis had an off switch
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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