wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
