Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
being pregnant is like rehab
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
