when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
