Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
