You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
