i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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