i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
