Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
