So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
