at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
