last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
