You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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