i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Girls should come with a carfax report
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
