Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
