You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
