I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
