the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
porn star boner night. come get it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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