Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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