my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
