On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
