adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
