what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
