drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
