We're facebook friends in real life
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
