what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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