You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
