I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
