dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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