im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i came on her dog
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
