i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
