jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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