Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
