You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize