We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Dick very happy bro
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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