She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
