U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
