hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
