All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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