You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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