i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
