He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
