You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
