Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
